Thinking about “the new gay,” there’s definitely reasons to see open relationships as less of a “choice” for some than a question of “reality.”

Life is complicated, though, of course. There may be more “nature” in the question than you’d think, but there’s still questions of “nurture,” in how one chooses to act. Cheating? Self-denial? And even if embracing, the nature of human emotions, growth and development, may require some personal growth, reflection and, well, effort. For which advice such as the following is but a small part.

…do not squelch it, do not deny it, do not be ashamed of it, and most certainly do not deny it.

Feel.your.feelings.

Your feelings are trying to tell you something, so let them be felt without judgment or second-guessing. Feel the feelings. And when they’re done, let them go. Don’t try to go back and revisit them artificially. If the jealousy or insecurity comes up again on its own, again, feel the feelings, and let them run their course. In time, because you are giving them “voice”, as it were, these feelings will fade, both in frequency and intensity.

And in truth, all emotions work this way. Feel your emotions fully, whatever they may be, let them run their course, and then, let them go.

Of course, asking for help by way of reassurance, or communicating valid complaints, is also a reasonable thing to do. But much easier when you actually allow yourself to feel your feelings and become more aware of what they may be telling you.